No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This is the high leading the old right now
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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