i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize