i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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