Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
