Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
