i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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