Porn is love you can see.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
