Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
