I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
