Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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