You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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