remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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