i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
