I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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