This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
