I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
