I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
