I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
