weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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