this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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