Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Found the puke drawer
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
