just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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