The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
