I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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