We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
