I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
