My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Randomize
