Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
two words: eviction party
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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