I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
