she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We have so much sex to catch up on
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
