They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
