I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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