apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize