I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
