so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
