Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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