If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
