my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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