I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
