we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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