and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
