it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
