Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
