At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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