singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize