mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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