hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We have so much sex to catch up on
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
