dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
