i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
