I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
this hospital has no fireball
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
