I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
