Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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