wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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