If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
