Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
