Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
