2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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