Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
At least life still wants to fuck me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
