Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Welp...herpes.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
