i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
