He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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