Already got asked if we're dating
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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