ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
