it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Blood and glitter go together right?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
