you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
