i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
