apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
