I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just found puke in my bra..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
