I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
