hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
