my sisters under your porch take her home
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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