No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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