I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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