why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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