Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
