Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize