I got chris browned last night
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
