I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
