Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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