If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
