I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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