Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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