I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize