My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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