he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
