this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
