cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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