id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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