the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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