Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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