Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
