They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
