I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize