we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
