how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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