She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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