hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
