the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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