Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
