go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
