margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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