you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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