do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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