giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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