i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
