thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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