A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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