Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
