I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
