one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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