At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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