Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
