i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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