Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
