He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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