Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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