Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
