You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize