At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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