I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
