drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
