Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize