why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
