do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
