i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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